A story by Kevin "WilcoWeb" Wallace
As told be Roger Wilco

"After Stellar gave me that rather cryptic message about my being transferred, I decided to go back to my room to sleep."

"After hitting the transport button on the ComPost, I heard a strange noise and then saw a white flash!"

"When my eyes readjusted, I noticed I was standing in a dank, dark, stone cavern, as opposed to where I really wanted to be, which was my room."

"I wandered around for a while and confirmed my suspicion that I had absolutely no idea where I was."

"After wandering pointlessly through dark corridors for an unknown length of time, I heard an inhuman growl."

"Without thought, I began to run away, because it's becoming a sort of habit of mine, due to the fact that my life is filled with more than the normal amount of beings trying to harm and kill me."

"As I raced down those miserable corridors, I heard a sound akin to the noise that my Soylent food replicator made when I exposed some of its curcuits and accidently spilled whatever I was currently drinking onto it, and then I briefly saw a BLINDING flash of light as what I can only guess was lightning flashed by me, less than a foot away."

"I was CERTAIN that I was going to die in those miserable twisting passages, blind and unaware of why I was there, what was chasing me, and where the bloit I was!"

"Stumbling, I pitched forward as my foot found no purchase other than empty air, and I had the terrible thought that not only was I going to die, I was going to die because I walked off of a cliff!"

"My fear of death by falling was banished when I landed less than three feet down, yet I still had my fear of being fried by some sort of thing that could shoot lightning bolts of something."

"Struggling to regain my feet, I managed to stand, even though part of me was content just to lay on the ground and hope for a quick death."

"Still blinded, I ran forward face first into a wall."

"It was a good thing for me too, it seemed, because just as my nose began to bleed, and my head was bouncing backwards, I heard that strange electrical type sound and then the hiss of one of those lightning bolts or whatever, and I felt that it passed inches in front of my face."

"As my head slammed onto the cold stone floor, I fancied I heard the sound of boots on stone."

"I guess I did, because that MONSTROSITY, which I still couldn't see due to my blindness, gave a bellow and I felt that it was turning away from me."

"I then head human yells of anger and the sound of battle with what I could only guess by my hearing to be primitive projectile weapons."

"After several minutes, there was a roar from the creature, and a heavy thud that shook the ground I lay on."

"I attempted to stand, or at least sit up, but hands pushed me back down, and I heard someone say, "Hold still buddy, and lemme check yer wounds.""

"So I held still, and while he checked my wounds and bandaged me, my vision slowly came fading back."

"When I could see clearly again, I saw that my saviors were five men dressed in military clothing, all carrying a variety of large weapons."

""Who... who are you? Where am I?" I asked them as I sat up, except that with my broken nose it came out like "Ooh arr oo? Weh ab I?""

"They glanced at each other, and the one who was kneeling next to me and I assume was the same one who bandaged me, answered:"

"We are "the Cousins of Comatose Cheese", and you're laying in the midst of one of Shub-Niggarauth's many buildings."

"Noticing my blank stare, they attemped to explain."

""The world was attacked by the evil beings of Shub-Niggarauth, a vile and incredibly powerful being. One of the worst kind of her servants was the Shambler, which was what attacked you." He gestured to the side, and turning my head I finally saw the horrid beast that had come so close to killing me, and I turned away quickly from the hideous sight."

"Seeing that, the man nodded gravely and continued. "We were taken completely by surprise when these things attacked, and many of us were killed in the ensuing carnage."

"A few scattered pockets of resistance were all that were left, when the flow of monsters suddenly stopped, and they were then attacked from behind, from where they came from!"

"Here the man paused for a moment to relax before continuing, because he was now breathing quite rapidly in what I now presume was caused by idolism and respect."

"The assault that came from behind was a single man armed with the four runes of magic. He had retrieved all four runes from four different worlds all populated with Sub-Niggarauth's minions by himself, and then he killed Shub-Niggarauth herself without any help at all!"

"However, we had no idea how many of Shub-Niggarauth's spawn still lived, so to search them out and destroy them, we split into clans and then went forth through the slipgates --- those teleports which, it seems, led those bastards to us --- to seek and destroy all of those monsters that are left, and to possibly claim these strange lands for our own."

"Finished, he leaned back, content."

""So," I said, "which planet are you from?""

"Their eyes widened and their jaws dropped in confusion and astoundment."

"One of those standing nearby managed to stutter out "Earth, of course.", and attempted to laaugh, but stopped when he saw the seriousness in my expression."

"My shoulders sagged and my head drooped as any hope I'd have of getting home vanished."

""Maybe the holder of the runes, or possibly one of the slipgates could get you back to wherever yer from?" one of the men standing further away said as soon as he'd regained his senses enough to speak."

"My hope came back somewhat and I looked up at them."

"The man who had told the story, and who I assumed was the leader, stood and spoke, "Ok then. We'll go see the keeper of the runes. But first, we're gonna need to get you some armor and weapons in case of any trouble... You can shoot a gun, can't ya?""

"I nodded, recalling the Pulseray hopefully, but I was dissappointed when given what they informed me was a 'Shotgun'"

"After being given a suit of armor similar to the ones that they were wearing, we set off."

"After what seemed an eternity of marching through those seemingly identical caverns and passages, Reverb (that is what I was informed the leader's callsign was) held up a hand and we stopped, then readied our weapons."

"Reverb signalled and then he and two other crept off ahead, leaving me and the other two soldiers behind."

"After a moment, I heard a growl, which was cut short by the sound of weapons discharging, and then Reverb came back and motioned us forward."

"We entered a large room which contained the two soldiers who went ahead standing guard, and the corpse of something that they called a fiend, and an elevator, which we boarded."

"At the top we encounted a HUGE metal ring filled with a green shifting glow."

"Reverb turned and told me that it was a slipgate, and that it led back to Earth, where we would go to ask that hero who held the four runes for help in getting me back to my own dimension, planet, or whatever."

"He then turned and marched through the ring."

"We all went through it in turn, waiting a moment or two after the person ahead had gone through to enter, to avoid "telefragging", so they said."

"Walking through the slipgate, I experienced the same disconcertening effect that I'd felt before when I'd been wrenched from the Deep Ship 86 to those horrible caverns and passages."

"After my eyes adjusted, I saw that I was in a ruined city, reminiscent of future Xenon, yet without the technology and the gigantic specter of the Xenon Super Computer Fortress."

"My reminiscing was cut short when one of Reverb's men gestured me to continue onward after the rest of the group."

"Shortly, we arrived at what looked to be a ruined military installation, which we proceeded to enter."

"After some more walking we arrived at an office in which sat a man who looked completely normal to me."

"However, it was evident from my companions' expressions that they held him in very high regard."

"He turned towards me, and begain to speak, "Roger Wilco of Xenon, I will help you return.""

"My jaw dropped and my eyes widened, for I had not even mentioned my name as of then."

"He smiled and chuckled, then pulled out four runes, which I assume were the so higly regarded Runes of Magic, and lay them out on the desk."

"He then appeared to concentrate, and spoke a word which I promptly forgot without any will of my own."

"And then there was another flash, and I was standing inside 8-Rear back on the DS86, looking upon a group of security personnel standing around the corpse of what I recognized as a fiend."

"None of them looked up or even seemed to notice me, so I went to my room and went to sleep, figuring that I deserved the rest."

"I cleaned up the mess and never brought up the subject again."

"That's all."